The Daily Southerner, Tarboro, NC


July 24, 2013

Humor in songs and sayings

TARBORO — Several times before I have decided to leave the bad news stuff that normally comes out of Washington and most other parts of the world and just write something on the humorous side.  Most of the time I found the best humorous song titles and lyrics came from country music and the sayings came from all other.  The ones in this column I haven’t written about, but they have been around a while.

Okay, here goes:

• If you leave me, can I come too?

• I’m so miserable without you; it’s like having you here.

• Since you bought the waterbed we’ve slowly drifted apart.

• I gave her my heart and a diamond and she clubbed be with a spade.

And the wisdom goes on ...

• If my nose were full of nickels, I’d blow it all on you.

• If you won’t leave me alone I’ll find someone who will.

• I just fell in something and I sure hope it’s love.

• I’m old enough to know better but still two young to care.

• I’ve got red eyes from your white lies and I’m blue all the time.

• I’ve got you on my conscience but at least you’re off my back.

• I wouldn’t take you to a dog fight even if I thought you could win.  

Maybe some things just shouldn’t be said, but will be anyway ...

• Noses run in my family.

• I kissed her on the lips and left her behind for you.

• The pilot light has gone out on our oven of love.

• She’s got Velcro arms and a Teflon heart.

Sometimes being poor folks didn’t mean that much …

• When we were down to nothing, nothing sure looked good on you.

Good advice or bad advice?

• When you leave, walk out backwards, so I’ll think you’re walking in.

• You can’t have your Kate and Edith, too.

• You done me wrong, but keep on doing it ‘til you do it right.

• Your wife’s been cheating on us again.

True romance means a lot ...

• I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me.

• I may be used, but baby, I ain’t used up.

• If my nose was running money, I’d blow it all on you.

And she might answer, May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

Or she may just say, did I shave my legs for this?

A few other truths we might want to think about:

• The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

• Sex is like the air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

• It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

• An unbreakable toy is used to break other toys.

• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

• Sometimes, a second

marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Some more about the wisdom of relationships:

• If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

And we go on ...

• If I can’t be your number one, then number two on you.

• She’s acting single and I’m drinking doubles.

• I keep forgetting I forgot about you.

• Take me to the corn field honey, and I’ll kiss you between the ears.

You’d have to be on a Soap Opera to get more romantic that this.

Then there are those who we may call Rednecks or those who call us Rednecks.

• If that’s the case, you might be proud of the trophy you won in the greased pig contest.

• You may have kept the lucky rabbit’s foot your cousin had with him when he got run over by a tractor.

• You might also want to hang on to your string of teeth that you’ve lost over the past 35 years of school.

 In any event we can’t forget the family’s favorite entertainment system.  The Bug Zapper that can be a blast on a summer night when the mosquitoes are really out.

Life can be fun if we don’t pay too much attention to the cow chip stuff that comes out of Washington.

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    Joe W. Dickens Jr.
    Sept. 14, 1953 - March 21, 2014
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    March 31, 2014


    On July 28, 911 was called because my husband had a bad headache. I was transferred to communications in Edgecombe County, where I spoke to a female operator. I informed her I needed Rescue because my husband had a bad headache and gave her our address and telephone number.

    September 26, 2013


    To the Editor:
    Sheriff Knight’s “guys” may have worked hard on the case concerning Melvin Ray Fox, but did they really? Probably not for the sheriff, but for someone else behind the scenes. Not condoning Mr. Fox for his crime, because he should be punished, but not necessarily in the manner of leaving behind his wife as well as his 3-, 5- 7- and 13-year-old children.

    September 10, 2013


    Concerning the Tarboro High 2013 Vikings football team: They have heart and desire. That was shown Friday night versus Washington. Just like last year’s state championship game, we got behind against a very good team. The Vikings didn’t quit even though they had several injuries throughout the game.  Right up to the last minute we had a chance  but, things didn’t go our way.

    September 5, 2013


    To the Editor:
    It appears Mr. (Garland) Shepheard is shaking up things in our fair city according to a recent Daily Southerner article. Hurrah for him. This citizen, for one, believes the status quo needs a little shake up.
    I don’t know if Mr. Shepheard is disrespectful with his words and/or
    actions at council meetings or not. I don’t attend them any longer. It isn’t that I don’t care that some residents may suggest.

    September 4, 2013


    To the Editor:
    Having just recently read the front page article in The Daily Southerner regarding Councilman Shepheard’s issues with the Tarboro town manager, I was left with more questions than answers.
    The article states that  Mr. Shepheard’s reasons for not voting in favor of extending the town manager’s contract had to do with “deplorable conditions of three town facilities, Thornton’s hiring practices and giving the council what he said was false information.” That’s it.  That’s all the information we were given.

    September 2, 2013


    To the Editor:
    So who are you Mr. Allen Dennie Jr.? I have never heard of you. I have tried to find your voter registration on the North Carolina State Board of Elections website and I can't find it.
    Somebody said that you have an impressive resume. I say and ?
    But what I find interesting is the following. Mr. Dennie the current Sheriff is the following: "The sheriff of any county should be a person who has a personal interest in the citizens that work live and visit their county,"

    August 18, 2013


    To the Editor:
    I am glad that opinions are being expressed regarding my actions at the Town Council meetings,  both by Mr. Walker and Mr. Wooten.
    It is my intention to expose the concerns expressed to me by the taxpayers of Tarboro, and when I find something that causes Tarboro not to be the Town we can all be proud of, I will speak up. I was told by people in Ward 8 when I ran for this office not to be like the rest of the Council and I expressed that to the members. The problems that exist in Tarboro should not have to be aired in public or at the Town Council Meetings and there should not be any discord.

    August 18, 2013


    To the Editor:
    I am writing out of concern about disc golf. We as a town need to consider projects that have been given to (parks and recreation director) Cheryl Gay before this disc golf came along — like a walking trail at Clark Park, repairing the bathrooms, making sure the playground equipment is up-to-date and finding out what happen to the lights on the baseball field before we find money for disc golf. The town needs to consider what we been discussing in these last couple of meetings about recreation. I would love to see the Clark Park baseball field turned into a kickball field, which is a sport that everybody knows how to play, before you consider disc golf.
    Greg Higgs,

    August 15, 2013


    To the Editor:
    Monday night at the Town Council meeting (Aug. 12, 2013), I witnessed some the most disruptive,vitriolic and asinine behavior that I’ve ever seen, in the person of (Ward 8) councilman Garland Shepheard.  For several months, his behavior has grown progressively worse and it seems to embolden him to waste my time, the time of the other council members and the time of other citizens who care enough about Tarboro to attend council meetings.

    August 15, 2013